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6 Things I Have Learned From Going to Therapy

6 Things I Have Learned From Going to Therapy

A Leap Of Faith

A Leap Of Faith

A Season of Change

A Season of Change

A Leap Of Faith

February 18, 2020      mirandaehrich

Travel nursing has always been an interest of mine, even as a young nursing student. The pull towards adventure, traveling, and meeting new people inspired me to pursue this career change. When I graduated from nursing school and was working as a med-surg nurse, I began following travelers and was in awe of their lifestyles. I knew it was something I wanted to do someday. I didn’t want to be a med-surg nurse forever, so I followed my dream into the pediatric world and landed in the NICU. The NICU challenges me, inspires me, breaks my heart, pushes me to be my best and it is a place I will always cherish. I am grateful that my journey has led me to these tiny, resilient humans. 

After I started working in the NICU and realized I would stay here for awhile, I began thinking more about travel nursing. A lot of serious thought and self reflection went into deciding to travel and it took me months to finally commit to it. There was not one reason that went into why I wanted to travel nurse, but here are the big reasons:

  • I was unhappy. I felt stuck, sad, bitter and angry most of the time. It wasn’t because of my job or a person in my life. It was just an overall feeling of unhappiness/emptiness that had been building over the years and it wasn’t something that anyone could fix other than myself. I lived in fear of my multiple sclerosis and it was consuming my life. I feared not being able to travel and see the world when I am older due to my disease, so I felt travel nursing now, while I am young and able, was the best choice. This is to prove to myself that my disease cannot rule my life and that I can and will do things on my own. This is me taking control of my own happiness.
  • I am in crippling debt. I want to settle down, buy a house, and start a family someday and it would be nearly impossible with the debt I have acquired over the years (thank you college). Travel nurses make much more than staff nurses due to the hospitals being desperate for help. Make more money = pay off debt faster. 
  • I can no longer fill my own cup. This journey so far has involved a tremendous amount of self reflection and growth. I have gone back to therapy and have been working on getting to the root of my unhappiness and building a foundation of strength that will help me keep moving forward. I am working on controlling my negative thoughts and learning how to live a more happy, fulfilled life. 
  • My nephew was born. If I could spend every single day with that little one, I would. I never knew my heart could love someone so much until he was born. Travel nursing gives me so many more opportunities to be closer to him and to see him more than I would be able to if I were still in St. Louis.
  • Travel nursing has always been a goal of mine. The freedom of traveling to a new place every 3 months, meeting new people, and advancing my skills and knowledge of NICU nursing was an absolute must in my eyes. I knew I would regret not doing this down the road so I took a leap of faith.

I applied with Aya Healthcare because another nurse, who worked for them, said nothing but wonderful things about the company. I had heard that a recruiter can make or break your experience so I wanted to be sure that I was in good hands to start my journey. I applied to the agency in June with the intent of starting to travel in late October/early November. When I spoke with my recruiter she asked why I wanted to be a travel nurse and what were my goals. After this initial conversation, I didn’t hear back from her until September when we started to apply for jobs.

That leads me to the process. Travel nursing works through agency contracts. Each agency has contacts with cooperating hospitals across the country and has access to job postings at the hospitals that are in need of travel nurses. My recruiter will send me the pay packages and hospital information (what level NICU it is, how many beds the unit is, etc.) and I let her know if I’m interested in applying to that hospital or not. At that point, I wait to see if I get a phone call from the manager of the unit for an interview, which is hopefully followed by an extended offer. So yes, I am interviewing for a new job every 3 months. Most contracts are 13 weeks long but can be longer depending if you take any time off during those weeks or not. My contract here in Winston-Salem ended up being 15 weeks. 

I’ve received a lot of questions on pay packages and how they work. Most travel nurses average around $20/hr in pay and a lot of their money comes from stipends. I get a weekly meal and housing stipend that makes up the bulk of what I make. The amount of your stipend package depends on the area and the cost of living there. Some states are notorious for paying very low regardless of cost of living (Florida I am talking about you). Some nurses choose to get company housing which entails your agency to find housing near your hospital and paying for it in full during your time there, but then you lose out on the housing stipend. A lot of nurses choose to take the housing stipend because more affordable housing can be found outside of the agency’s findings. This works out to a travelers benefit because we are able to pocket that extra money that was saved on the cheaper accommodations. My pay package also includes my insurance plan that I find very adequate.

After I accepted the job for Winston-Salem, NC, I had a lot of paperwork to submit. I was required to get bloodwork, drug tested, provide references, and get all of my certifications together. All while still working full-time and packing up my belongings in preparation. Kyle is planning on selling the house soon, so I had to work on packing ALL of my stuff and trying to get it moved out of the house before I left. Talk about a stressful few weeks. 

I spent about 10 days in Florida before venturing up to North Carolina. Those first few weeks here were EXTREMELY hard. I am not going to lie, I cried a lot. I have never lived on my own before and I have never lived away from my family and friends. It was quite an adjustment. I plan on doing another post about my time here in North Carolina and what I have learned since being on my own. With my contract coming to an end, I am excited to see where I go next but am also sad to be leaving all the friends I have made here. I will say, travel nursing has so many perks and can be so much fun, but also comes with loneliness and a different type of stress that no one seems to want to talk about. I am so glad I decided to push myself out of my comfort zone and do something that completely terrified me. It has been nice to just focus on me and my happiness for once.

As always, thank you for continuing to follow my journey and for supporting me through this crazy thing we call life. Stay golden my friends and until next time!

XOXO

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Miranda Ehrich

Miranda Ehrich

"For what it's worth: It's never too late to be whoever you want to be.

I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start over."

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

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Just a fresh cut to make me feel a little normal a Just a fresh cut to make me feel a little normal again. 

Thank you @allisonmrough for always making me feel pretty. 💕
6 months ago, I almost died in this very spot. It’s crazy to me it has been half a year since this has happened. This is a huge milestone, but also is hard to think about since I am still having some issues. Issues I might continue having for the rest of my life. Issues that could end up being a permeant disability. Issues that could mean I will be in pain every day for the rest of my life. And the PTSD is real y’all. Numbingly real. 

A split second is all it took to change the trajectory of my life forever. A split second to rip the rug out from underneath me. A split second and all the plans for my future are gone. I actually landed right in front of my apartment complex where I was going home to take care of Luna. I was so close to being home.

I have grown a lot from this experience. I have learned so much about myself. I have fought for myself. I have cried. I have lost hope. I have pushed myself through pain, sweat, blood and tears. 

But I survived. I. Survived. I wake up every single day and sometimes have to remind myself I almost died. I almost had my leg amputated. I almost had the possibility of being unresponsive due to my brain injury. I almost ended up with a colostomy. I almost lost organs. I almost ended up with a stent in my carotid. But I fought and I survived. I have to remind myself that yes things are very difficult right now, the PTSD is unbearable at times, but there could have been one of those alternatives that would have made life even more difficult. I could have even died.

Life is precious y’all. Just because you wake up today, doesn’t mean you’ll wake up tomorrow. You might not get that chance to take that trip, tell that person you love them, move across the country, start your dream career. Life. Is. Precious.

My battles continue every day but my scars, my pain, my sadness all remind me I am stronger because of what I’ve gone through. I have a story to tell others. I have a story to tell myself. 

I am strong. I am worthy. I am capable. I am determined to find my way back to happiness again.
The thing that most people don’t understand abou The thing that most people don’t understand about people who have lived through something traumatic, is the silent battles they face everyday. I am happy to share my physical progress and I am happy to have come this far, but the reality? I’m just so tired. The daily struggles with pain, the PTSD, the anxiety, the depression, the nightmares, the sleepless nights, the hopelessness, the resentment, the financial burden- it’s a lot. Most people don’t see this part of my recovery and journey either. 

The process of accepting my new reality is very much a struggle. Coming to terms with the pain, with the way my body looks, with the new extreme fatigue, with what overall happened to me is a slow journey. My life will never ever look the same and some of things I wanted for my life will never be able to happen. These are things I have to accept to move forward. The trauma becomes part of who I am, whether I want it to or not. I went through this exact same grieving process when I was diagnosed with MS so at least I have some experience, but having a near death experience sure does shake things up in one’s life. 

I’ve gotten better at being present in the moment and trying to find small moments of happiness. It’s not a lot but it’s a start. I am looking forward to the day when my life starts to feel okay again and for now we’ll keep slowly moving forward. 🖤
Happy Earth Day. 🌎 It’s crazy to see how much Happy Earth Day. 🌎 It’s crazy to see how much my life has changed since I made the decision to move to the sunshine state almost 2 years ago but I am grateful to still be here to enjoy this beautiful planet for some more time. 🖤
Well well well, look where hard work gets ya. 😎 Well well well, look where hard work gets ya. 😎 I will also say I did not gracefully get down from here but I am slowly but surely getting my strength back.
I heard scars were in fashion this year. *not pi I heard scars were in fashion this year. 

*not pictured: my 50 other scars lol*
Also convinced myself my surgeon knew I was a Harry Potter fan and he intentionally gave me this scar for that reason only. ⚡️
Thought this day would never come. First time walk Thought this day would never come. First time walking in 94 days. 

“And just as the Phoenix rose from the ashes, she too will rise. Returning from the flames, clothed in nothing but her strength, more beautiful than ever before.”

Still I rise. 🖤
I’m not going to lie, I have had some pretty low I’m not going to lie, I have had some pretty low days. Days where I am angry or sad in my lack of progress. Where I wish this never happened. Confused why bad things constantly happen to me and I have to fight so hard to even stay alive. I even on these low days sometimes wish I didn’t survive my accident. 

But you know what? These feelings are normal. I have learned to feel what I need to feel, cry when I need to and the next day I pick myself up and tell myself I can do this. I won’t let my depression and anxiety consume me and stop me from regaining my full potential. 

The support I receive from my family and friends is what keeps me going. The random texts I receive of people telling me I’m so strong, that you admire me, that I will get through this is the reason I fight so hard. Thank you to the people who check on me, who let me rant and cry to you, who come see me, who remind me of my worth and what I am capable of. You guys are the reason I am smiling. 

I have constant internal battles I am fighting throughout this journey and no one can fight them but me. No one can fully take away my pain, no one can make my recovery go faster, no one can take on this burden. But you guys remind me I have something to fight for, something to live for. 

Mental health is so important to talk about. I feel it’s important to share my journey with the highs and lows so others know they are not alone. Life is difficult, not everyone gets ran over by a car but we ALL go through something that is hard to navigate. Have your bad days, have your bad moments but find something to fight for. Remind yourself you’re worth it, show yourself some compassion and know that you can overcome anything.
I should be dead. I survived a near death experi I should be dead. 

I survived a near death experience and I still have moments where I can’t wrap my head around it. The things my body has gone through in the last 6 weeks is incredible. Having MS and being immunocompromised already put me at a disadvantage for healing, but my body is working in overdrive every single day to heal. It’s exhausting to have your body trying to regrow itself. It’s exhausting to be in so much pain everyday. It’s exhausting to go through something so traumatic knowing it’s going to impact you the rest of your life. I’m just so tired. All. The. Time. 

What I went through, what I am continuing to go through is something I can’t even begin to describe. I feel I have changed and am a different person now in some ways. I am still grieving but also have moments where I am so numb I can’t feel anything. Losing your ability to walk for months, watching your muscles waste away everyday, nothing being able to ease your pain and having surgeries that will impact you for the rest of your life is just terrible. 

I am grateful for my surgeons. The right people where there at the right time and saved my life. They didn’t expect my outcome to be what it is and I am glad my body put up such a fight. I was told my ICU nurses were phenomenal and advocated for the best care for me. A nurse even played @illenium for me as I was being extubated and getting cleaned up. I am grateful for my family who hasn’t left my side and am always asking for what I need. My sister has become my full time caretaker and has sacrificed a huge part of her life to care for me. I am grateful for the friends and even strangers who reach out to me, asking me how I’m doing and encourage me to keep fighting. 

The first 48 hours I was in the hospital, I was in and out of emergency surgeries and it was unsure if I would make it or the state I would be in when I woke up. I am very fortunate to be where I am today. I am very fortunate to be alive. There is a lot to be grateful for but I still am angry that I am even in this position to begin with. 

**more in comments**
Taken hours before my life was changed forever. I Taken hours before my life was changed forever. I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like to watch your loved one get hit by a car but Dominic hasn’t left my side since this has happened. 

He was the one to check my pulse after I got hit and the one that advocated for an ambulance to be called as I was bleeding out. He immediately notified my sister and got my family down and stayed at the hospital until my sister got there. Then cared for Luna until I was out of my emergency surgeries until she could get picked up. 

I don’t remember a single thing from EDC but I’m glad we went and I’m glad you have the memories for both of us. Thank you for saving my life. Thank you for pushing me to heal and do better even on my days I’m so depressed I don’t want to do anything. Thank you for loving me and choosing me everyday. This isn’t easy for either of us but everyday am grateful for you. Love you baby and can’t wait till you can take me out dancing again. 💕

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