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6 Things I Have Learned From Going to Therapy

6 Things I Have Learned From Going to Therapy

A Leap Of Faith

A Leap Of Faith

A Season of Change

A Season of Change

A Season of Change

September 26, 2019      mirandaehrich

The truth is, I’ve lost direction. With this blog, with my life, with it all.  As much as everyone is tired of hearing about it, my MS has turned my life upside down. I have yet to rise above it, to embrace it, to feel empowered by it. The truth is, it makes me feel weak, fearful and unhopeful for my future. As much as everyone thinks I “look good”, I feel terrible every day. I walk around each day with symptoms that remind me that this disease exists and isn’t going away. 

I don’t sleep. The numbness/nerve pain in my arms and cramps in my legs wake me up multiple times throughout the night. I stumble over my words or can’t find the word I am trying to say because my brain is so foggy all the time. My hands tremor and I can barely hold onto things somedays. The exhaustion makes it so hard to make it to the gym or even do the daily things around the house I should be doing. And don’t even get me started on my eyes. This disease started with me temporarily going blind in my right eye and every day since has been ongoing battle with properly functioning eyes. This is something my doctor tells me I will struggle with for the rest of my life. 

I created this blog to show everyone that I could rise above this diagnosis and live a healthier life. That this disease would empower me to be the best version of myself. And it did. For a while. I went paleo and was exercising regularly. I lost a little weight and was feeling really good. Then I relapsed again. Clearly my body didn’t care how healthy I was being, it was going to continue attacking me regardless. So what was the point? I had to start a new medication that wiped out half of my immune system, leaving me more defenseless to infections. Bring on more eye infections, respiratory infections and UTI’s along with all my MS symptoms. Complete, utter exhaustion every single day. I feel like somedays it is a fight to even get out of bed. 

The reality is I still drink, eat fast food, and skip my workouts sometimes. I try to be as paleo as possible, but I often fall short. My anxiety has been through the roof and my depression has been out of check for far too long. I don’t want to live this way. I do want to be healthier and better, but it can be challenging. 

Not exactly the most uplifting material to put into a blog that is supposed to help encourage others that they can live a healthier life too. I have stopped and started at least four different blog posts. Each with a positive, inspirational message. But the problem was I didn’t believe what I was writing. I was writing to inspire others but thought it was all lies. This blog was supposed to help others but also be therapeutic for me. I was so focused on what would be beneficial for everyone and what people wanted to read, that I wasn’t even thinking about what would be beneficial for me. So I quit writing. 

I want this is be a space of authenticity, no matter how ugly the truth may be. I want this to be a space where people can benefit from it AND I find a little bit of healing. I want to be able to show you all how hard and brutal this journey is for me but that hopefully someday things will get easier. I want you all to know that I am nowhere near perfect and I am not always that strong, courageous girl you all think I am. I have so much anger, fear, sadness, guilt, and bitterness built up in me that sometimes it consumes me. That is why I have decided to go back to therapy and look to functional medicine. I have realized that I do not need to just heal physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. 

So here is to redirection in life. To deciding not to be consumed by that anger, sadness and fear every day of my life. To understanding I am most likely going to have more bad days than good days at this time. To listening to my body and knowing when I need to slow down and take a break. To pursuing happiness and to learning how to love myself again. To not being perfect and to pretending like I have it at together.

I am taking a new direction with my life and so will this blog. I will write straight from the heart and be as genuine as possible. It might not be pretty or ideal, but it will be unapologetically me. I can’t wait to take you all on this journey and to show you the raw side of having MS. I have said many times that this disease does not define me, but it is a huge part of me now. It is a chronic condition that I will have chronic problems with for the rest of my life. Please be patient with me as I navigate how to cope with this and how to manage this disease. Many changes will be happening over the next few months and although it is scary, I am excited for some change. I desperately need some change. So stay tuned and strap in, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

XOXO

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Miranda Ehrich

Miranda Ehrich

"For what it's worth: It's never too late to be whoever you want to be.

I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start over."

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

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I’m proud of this girl right here. Proud that sh I’m proud of this girl right here. Proud that she can spend hours crying, then get up and do what she needs to do. Proud that even on the days she is in unbearable pain, she still does a workout. Proud that she defied all odds and is still defying them. Proud of her for always staying true to herself. I’m just so proud of how far she’s come. 

I hope one day soon I can share a little bit more of the recent weeks, but for now I am just grateful to be where I am. The good moments make the hard days easier to manage and process. Don’t forget to show yourself some love on your bad days ❤️
To the hardest year of my life: You taught me mo To the hardest year of my life: 

You taught me more about myself and life in a year than most people will learn in an entire lifetime. I had to rebuild myself from nothing. Learning how to walk again, coming back from a traumatic brain injury, learning how to cope with PTSD, dealing with the hardships of being out of a job for a year, the list goes on and on. 

But I did it. I survived the worst year of my life. I will never be grateful for getting hit by a car but I am grateful for the lessons that have been learned and for the growth that has come from it. I am a stronger, more resilient force and everyday I continue to heal. 

Most of this past year has been pain, depression, anxiety and more pain. But I look back at my camera roll and I see so many smiles, laughter, and amazing moments with amazing people. The people that have supported me this past year are the reason I am still here. Through my darkest moments I had difficultly finding my reason to hold on, but because of my support system and the love I received I held on. 

I made new friends, continued to grow current friendships, saw great EDM shows, went to festivals, spent so much time with family, visited friends across the country, went to multiple weddings, spent time in nature, and witnessed my second nephew be born. 

This year was hard and painful, but this year also gave me so so much. This year gave me a reason to live. This year showed me I am worthy of love, happiness and success. 

2023 watch out, I’m coming for you. 💕
Job secured ✔️ Apartment picked ✔️ In a sh Job secured ✔️ Apartment picked ✔️ In a short 3 weeks I’ll be back living in Orlando full time again. Bring on the adventures 💕
This year was the first Thanksgiving I had experie This year was the first Thanksgiving I had experienced with my family in over 5 years. Between work, having COVID, and being in the hospital, I haven’t been able to sit down at a table with a full plate with family, so this year was very special for me. Also special because I am still here to experience it. 

As a new beginning is coming, a tremendous amount of reflection has been happening about what this past year has looked like for me. As many know when I was discharged from the hospital, I had to go live with my sister and her family as I needed a full time caregiver. I couldn’t be left alone at the house because I needed help doing everything. She had to change my bandages, help me go to the bathroom, empty my commode, help transfer me, and had to remind me everyday to do my exercises. All while running a business, raising a toddler and being pregnant. She’s basically super woman. 

She didn’t leave my side in the hospital, advocated for me when she felt I wasn’t getting the best care, and somehow kept it together in front of me when I didn’t recognize her when I woke up. 

Everyone knows my sister is my best friend and that she’s my person. We aren’t the mushy lovey type, we get through life with coffee, wine, sarcasm and dark humor. We have always had this unspoken respect, love and compassion for one another that we don’t need to verbalize and we both know we would take a bullet for each other. 

She hasn’t gotten enough recognition for what she has done for me this past year and there will never be anything I can do to repay her. I absolutely would not have survived this past year without her support. Being close to my nephews, being able to be there for Lincoln’s birth and watch him grow up has been one of the greatest things this past year. Happiness has been hard to find at times but those 2 nuggets can always put a smile on my face. 

Anyways this is an Andrea appreciation post and I hope everyone has an Andrea in their life for when you hit rock bottom. 💕
One year ago as of yesterday, I was leaving EDC an One year ago as of yesterday, I was leaving EDC and my life changed forever. I woke up a week later in the hospital being told by a person I thought was a complete stranger, that I was crossing the street when a car going close to 50mph hit me. It took me a minute to register but the person telling me this was my sister. Over the next couple of days, I slowly started grasping the severity of my injuries and as they slowly decreased my fentanyl and morphine, the more my mind cleared up and the reality of my situation set in. Along with an unimaginable amount of pain. 

After 6 surgeries, breaking nearly 20 bones and being in a wheelchair for 4 months, I came back to EDC again this year. My PTSD is still there, my pain is still there but I am also still here. I survived death. I beat all odds and I am walking, talking and alive. I danced, I laughed, I cried and I celebrated that the worst year of my life is now behind me. 

For my other trauma survivors: hold tight, healing is not linear. You’ll have good days, okay days and terrible days. Sometimes those terrible days last for what seems like forever but the more you continue to fight for yourself, for your life, the more the okay days are more often than the terrible days. And before you know it the okay days start becoming the good days. This is your sign to prioritize your healing and create the life you want. 

Thank you to everyone who has supported and loved me this past year. I know I wasn’t always the best to be around, but I could not have gotten through this alone. I can’t wait to see what this next year brings me. 💕
We work on the glutes so we can have charcutes. 😋
Convinced my life is always a Taylor Swift song. Convinced my life is always a Taylor Swift song. 

I have spent so so much time picking up the broken pieces from this past year and a new chapter is finally beginning. 💕
Surgery #6 done ✔️ Everything went well. Doc Surgery #6 done ✔️

Everything went well. Doc said my bone growth was pretty significant and they had to take a lot out. It went all the way from my ulna to my radius. I’m pretty sore this morning and doing my exercises is not fun 🥴 but we are managing. Starting OT today and have to get some braces made that I can sleep in. 

I ended up getting a lot of hardware taken out. All 3 limbs were operated on but hopefully this will help me with the daily pain I am in. Arm plate/screws came out (which I’ve had in for 10 years now, might miss it a bit 🤪), screw in knee, 2 screws in left ankle, and my long screw in my right ankle (far right) all came out. I’m less robot now. 

Definitely aspirated when I was being extubated so been coughing up a lot of stuff over night but it’s getting better this morning. 

I have a lot of hard work in front of me and the next 6 weeks will be very vital in my long term recovery. My arm is still stiff and doesn’t want to rotate like it should so a lot of cranking on it and hourly exercises will have to be done. Pretty similar to what I went through when my leg didn’t want to work. 

Anyways hopefully this will be my last surgery and I will be able to get back to “normal” in the next 2-3 months! Thank you all for the kind words, for thinking about me and for those who have texted me it means the world. 

My year of hell is almost over. 🙌🏻
“I’m coming to terms with a broken heart, I gu “I’m coming to terms with a broken heart, I guess that sometimes good things fall apart.”

3rd time seeing @illenium in the past year and my love for him grows more and more with every show. Thanks for another amazing night Nick. 💕
Tell me you love me 🎶 Tell me you love me 🎶

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