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6 Things I Have Learned From Going to Therapy

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A Leap Of Faith

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A Season of Change

Archives for March 2019

I Relapsed…..Again

March 24, 2019      mirandaehrich

I Relapsed…..Again

I have been struggling to find the right words to say regarding this last relapse. I have been angry, sad, anxious, and disappointed that this happened again so soon after my initial diagnosis. When I was diagnosed 10 months ago, my doctor didn’t anticipate me having another episode for another couple of years, so you can understand why I was blindsided (no pun intended) when my vision started going out in my left eye.            This optic neuritis episode was a little different than my ...

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Miranda Ehrich

Miranda Ehrich

"For what it's worth: It's never too late to be whoever you want to be.

I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start over."

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

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Nothing compares to puppy snuggles. I don’t look Nothing compares to puppy snuggles. I don’t look forward to the day where you are too heavy to pick up and hug. Love this sweet boy so much. 💕

#goldendoodle #puppylove #pupstagram #puppylife #sweetestpup #cutie
I’ve learned life is truly precious. We think we I’ve learned life is truly precious. We think we are invincible and think we could never be the victim of a horrific accident like mine. There can be a healthy balance of living in the moment while being mindful of your future. Appreciate the small moments and I encourage everyone to be grateful for waking up today. We can have hard periods of our lives, depression, anxiety, or PTSD and still have small moments of happiness until we get through the storm. I am grateful to still be alive and am able to experience moments like this. Continue to stay strong 💕
I have a lot to say but honestly don’t know how I have a lot to say but honestly don’t know how to articulate everything I want to say into words. I am angry. I am sad. And I am so scared for the future of women. What has happened is devastating for many. 

Religion should not play a part in the lives of people who do not believe in that religion. Believe what you want, but for those of us who do not believe in your God, we should not be forced to abide by what your scripture says. 

As a rape victim myself, I can’t imagine what would have happened if I became pregnant by a man who didn’t put a condom on before violating a 15 year old. When I spoke to people at my church about it, I was shamed, I was ridiculed, I was shut down about being a victim. 

I hope significant reform will come after this. More help for the poor. Resources for kids in foster care. Daycare options. Sex education. Providing preventative measures. Hell even having formula on shelves to be able to feed these babies. 

Having a child is a privilege at this point. They cost a lot of money, take up a lot of time and are a huge investment mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. Not everyone has the life to manage a child, or even multiple. 

Even now as someone with a laundry list of health issues, getting pregnant would be harmful for myself, harmful for the baby. And yes I am doing everything in my power not to get pregnant, but guess what it still could happen. And many people can’t afford the measures I am using to prevent pregnancy. 

As a NICU nurse I have seen many horrors. I have seen babies suffering. Babies in pain. I have seen things nobody should see happen. But it’s fine right? It’s okay for them to suffer in pain for months on end until they die. It’s okay for them to go into foster care just to end back up in the ER for shaken baby syndrome. It’s okay for them to be discharged to families who cook meth in the house slowly killing them. For those of you who are pro-life, their life doesn’t stop after they are born. 

I know this post will upset many people but I’m truly hurting for women all over the country.
Reminding myself daily that I am enough just as I Reminding myself daily that I am enough just as I am. Broken parts and all; I am enough. ✨
I have had many people say my progress is a miracl I have had many people say my progress is a miracle.  I don’t really believe in miracles, but I will say my survival was a miracle. I don’t know why I survived this horrific accident, but I am glad I did. Not many people get a second opportunity to live when something like this happens and it’s something I try to be mindful about. 

But my progress? It’s not a miracle. It’s this. It’s me working my ass off every single day. Doing sometimes multiple workouts in a day. Fighting through the daily pain I am in. Fighting through the depression. Pushing myself to do the things I don’t want to do. Reminding myself I am the only one who can get me back on my feet again. 

My body is not the same anymore and I have had to modify a lot of what I do. Learn how to do workouts differently and adjust my mindset to that it’s okay I can’t do the things I could do a year ago. It gives me a goal to work towards and motivates me to push play everyday on a workout video. 

Every time I see my surgeon I always thank him for the marvelous work he did putting me back together, that I wouldn’t be where I am today without him. And he said to me, “I did the easy part, putting you back together, but that’s all I did. Where you are today, the progress you have made, is all because of you. You’ve put the time and effort in and your success right now is because of you.” 

This was something I honestly needed to hear. With all this time I’ve spent hating myself, I never once took the second to appreciate how hard I’ve been working to get back to a normal life. This accident, this trauma, this pain will be with me for the rest of my life. I’ve accepted this but I will also do everything in my damn power to get off of rock bottom. Sure I wallow in self pity a lot, I spend many days crying, my anxiety is always through the roof, and this has robbed me of a lot of happiness and opportunities, but I will not let it rob me of the rest of my life. 

Anyways this is just a little appreciation post for myself and a reminder that sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do to survive. It’s our low moments that make us appreciate the good times even more. 💕
So happy to be well enough to actually make it to So happy to be well enough to actually make it to another festival. I cried A LOT 🥲 but boy was this exactly what I needed. 

I love you guys so much and thanks for such an amazing weekend. 💕 

And now to soak in epsom salt all week so me legs are less mad at me. Lolol
It’s been an emotionally exhausting and rough we It’s been an emotionally exhausting and rough week but I am seriously SO happy to be here. Last night was incredible (although I am HURTIN today) and I can’t wait to see what these next 2 nights have in store. 

I also solemnly swear not to walk in front of car this time around. 🤪
Just a fresh cut to make me feel a little normal a Just a fresh cut to make me feel a little normal again. 

Thank you @allisonmrough for always making me feel pretty. 💕
6 months ago, I almost died in this very spot. It’s crazy to me it has been half a year since this has happened. This is a huge milestone, but also is hard to think about since I am still having some issues. Issues I might continue having for the rest of my life. Issues that could end up being a permeant disability. Issues that could mean I will be in pain every day for the rest of my life. And the PTSD is real y’all. Numbingly real. 

A split second is all it took to change the trajectory of my life forever. A split second to rip the rug out from underneath me. A split second and all the plans for my future are gone. I actually landed right in front of my apartment complex where I was going home to take care of Luna. I was so close to being home.

I have grown a lot from this experience. I have learned so much about myself. I have fought for myself. I have cried. I have lost hope. I have pushed myself through pain, sweat, blood and tears. 

But I survived. I. Survived. I wake up every single day and sometimes have to remind myself I almost died. I almost had my leg amputated. I almost had the possibility of being unresponsive due to my brain injury. I almost ended up with a colostomy. I almost lost organs. I almost ended up with a stent in my carotid. But I fought and I survived. I have to remind myself that yes things are very difficult right now, the PTSD is unbearable at times, but there could have been one of those alternatives that would have made life even more difficult. I could have even died.

Life is precious y’all. Just because you wake up today, doesn’t mean you’ll wake up tomorrow. You might not get that chance to take that trip, tell that person you love them, move across the country, start your dream career. Life. Is. Precious.

My battles continue every day but my scars, my pain, my sadness all remind me I am stronger because of what I’ve gone through. I have a story to tell others. I have a story to tell myself. 

I am strong. I am worthy. I am capable. I am determined to find my way back to happiness again.
The thing that most people don’t understand abou The thing that most people don’t understand about people who have lived through something traumatic, is the silent battles they face everyday. I am happy to share my physical progress and I am happy to have come this far, but the reality? I’m just so tired. The daily struggles with pain, the PTSD, the anxiety, the depression, the nightmares, the sleepless nights, the hopelessness, the resentment, the financial burden- it’s a lot. Most people don’t see this part of my recovery and journey either. 

The process of accepting my new reality is very much a struggle. Coming to terms with the pain, with the way my body looks, with the new extreme fatigue, with what overall happened to me is a slow journey. My life will never ever look the same and some of things I wanted for my life will never be able to happen. These are things I have to accept to move forward. The trauma becomes part of who I am, whether I want it to or not. I went through this exact same grieving process when I was diagnosed with MS so at least I have some experience, but having a near death experience sure does shake things up in one’s life. 

I’ve gotten better at being present in the moment and trying to find small moments of happiness. It’s not a lot but it’s a start. I am looking forward to the day when my life starts to feel okay again and for now we’ll keep slowly moving forward. 🖤

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