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6 Things I Have Learned From Going to Therapy

6 Things I Have Learned From Going to Therapy

A Leap Of Faith

A Leap Of Faith

A Season of Change

A Season of Change

My Disease Does NOT Define Me

December 12, 2018      mirandaehrich

With today’s health crisis, I am sure most people can say they are living with some form of disease or illness, whether mental or physical. A lot of people are not prioritizing their health and pay the price with an unwanted diagnosis that could’ve been prevented with better choices. Then there are people who could live the model lifestyle and still be handed a condition such as type 1 diabetes, mental illness, or autoimmune disease for the rest of their lives. Whatever the circumstance, having any disease or illness can most definitely define you if you let it.

I have always been very upfront and vocal about living with depression and anxiety for the majority of my life.For the most part, I’m high functioning enough that people do not even realize I am living with these illnesses. After trying numerous medications and therapy, on-and-off for years, I have come to the conclusion that only I can help myself. I’ve discovered self-coping strategies that work for me and I try to stick with them as much as I can. There was a time in my life where I did let depression consume me. I let it control my life and define who I was as a person. I let people see me as a sad, hopeless girl. One day I decided I didn’t want to be that girl anymore. I no longer wanted to live in a world of darkness, hopelessness, and total sadness. Since that day, I realized that while I still have anxiety and depression, it isn’t who I am. It is a piece of me that’s made me into the person I am but it’s not the first thing people see about me. There are still stretches of days that I feel like I cannot leave my bed (hello seasonal depression), I am so anxious to the point of tears, and I don’t want to talk to anyone other than my dog. My depression will always be a part of me and I have ACCEPTED this. I have been spending years trying to “fix” myself, telling myself that I shouldn’t be like this and that I won’t live with this forever. But the sad truth is, many people with depression have it for the rest of their lives. I’ve realized I am going to be one of those people and I am okay with that. I know how to manage my mental illness now and the people around me know to expect that I am not a bright and shiny person. I’m more of a dark and twisted person, like Meredith Grey. It’s who I am and has helped me grow. It has also given me the ability to help others. But mostly, it has given me strength for things to come.

I was managing. Managing quite well actually- life was good and I was happy. Then one day, my vision went out in my right eye. As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) sent me off the deep end. I saw this life I had imagined and created completely shatter and crumble into a thousand pieces in front of me. I was devastated, angry, and in denial. It took me months to grieve this diagnosis. Yes, months. Even to this day, I sometimes still struggle talking about it without getting upset because it is a piece of me that I never wanted and now I have to deal with it for the rest of my life. I can only imagine how long it could take for those with cancer or more aggressive chronic diseases to grieve and go through these whirlwind of emotions.

I, once again, let my disease consume me. By allowing this to happen, I let my depression consume me again. I would tell myself that I was going to be in a wheelchair in 10 years and I would never be able to have kids. I thought the worst of the worst scenarios in my head. Since I have always had bad luck I figured only the worst would happen to me. Testing for my prognosis didn’t come back good. Being a nurse, I have seen people with MS and what it does to them. I told myself I would end up just like them someday. I hated my body for doing this to me, for once again letting me down. I lived in my bed for weeks, didn’t talk to anyone, and cried more than smiled. I thought “This is my life now, might as well get used to it.” I felt powerless and felt like I had no control over what was happening to me.

Just in time, I had another wake up moment down in Turks and Caicos. I went with my sister, boyfriend, and brother-in-law, who are by far my biggest supporters in everything I do. Sure, all 3 of them are brutally honest when need be and gang up against me, but they are also there to pick me up off the ground when I can no longer stand. This trip happened when I most needed it. I was able to be me, not the “sick” me that everyone kept tiptoeing around. I left that beautiful island feeling refreshed and wanting to see more of the world. But how could I see the world if I am stuck crying in my room and possibly wheelchair bound in the future? The answer is: I couldn’t. That right there became my reason. My reason to live. My reason to be alive. My reason to not let this disease define me.

It is so tempting to take the easy way out, toconform, or do what’s the norm. We’re scolded or belittled when we do something that others deem as different. I did the norm for the first couple of months. Went to my doctors, did ALL of the testing, volunteered for research studies, and started medication. Even though my MS is still in its early stages, my doctor wanted to waste no time with getting me on a regime. I was prescribed a treatment that involved giving myself a shot three times a week. I’d describe these shots as a feeling of injecting shattered glass into myself. They left welts on me and I would be sore for hours, sometimes even days, after my injections. These shots were just another reminder that I wasn’t “normal” and felt like they were decreasing my quality of life. I would dread injection days and have so much anxiety before giving myself a shot that I started skipping doses. Eventually I stopped taking it altogether because I believe that my medication should not be worse than my actual disease. (Side note: I do NOT recommend stopping medication without consulting your doctor. I am a super noncompliant, stubborn patient and a doctors worst nightmare. Do not be me. Always consult a doctor before making changes with your medications.)

I was informed of alternative ways of treatment through a friend, who has had MS a good portion of her life. She recommended an autoimmune paleo diet called the Wahls Protocol. I am still learning more about the diet and a paleo lifestyle every day, but I decided whole nutrition and exercise were going to be my treatment for now. The reality of things is that I AM the patient and this is happening to ME. This is not happening to you, to my family, or to my doctor. This is happening to me and although I appreciate the advice from people, I am in control of my treatment plan. I am in control of what happens to me. That powerlessness, the hopelessness, the feeling of my life being out my grip, left when I realized that I can control my outcome with my disease with how I live my life now. Sure this might come back to bite me in the butt in 5 or 10 years (as my doctor likes to remind me), but I will deal with it then. There is absolutely no guarantee that my medication would have worked. In fact, there is only a 30% chance of it being effective and I felt like it was doing more harm than good. I am only this young once and want to feel happy and “healthy” for as long as I can.

So what’s the point of this long post? It is to remind everyone not to let their disease define who you are and who you want to be. Explore other options of treatment if you are not happy with what you are doing now. I have been called many things: stupid, irresponsible, and even a quack for thinking my diet will be enough. But y’all, more and more research is coming out that what we put into our bodies makes A HUGE difference. “Irreversible” diseases are being reversed by diet alone. Whole foods and nutrition are a game changer. I won’t get too much into it here (saving it for another post) but I highly recommend doing your own research and trying it out for yourself.

Do not settle if you are not happy with where you are. I know people with terrible diseases who are thriving because they choose not to let what is happening to them become their identity. Find your reason. Why do you want to live?

I understand change is scary and not easy. TRUST ME, I know. But we are talking about your life. Your one life. Accepting your disease is important and necessary. But accepting your life is over because you have this disease should not be an option. We are given one chance to truly live and some of us are stuck with diseases and illnesses to accompany us throughout life, but it doesn’t have to define you and what you want to accomplish. That doesn’t have to hold you back from your true potential.

Take control of your life. Show your disease who is in control. Respect and nourish your body. Grow your mind. Decide the norm is unacceptable for you and live your life to the absolute fullest. You are more than your disease. Remember that.

 

XOXO

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Miranda Ehrich

Miranda Ehrich

"For what it's worth: It's never too late to be whoever you want to be.

I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start over."

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

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I’m proud of this girl right here. Proud that sh I’m proud of this girl right here. Proud that she can spend hours crying, then get up and do what she needs to do. Proud that even on the days she is in unbearable pain, she still does a workout. Proud that she defied all odds and is still defying them. Proud of her for always staying true to herself. I’m just so proud of how far she’s come. 

I hope one day soon I can share a little bit more of the recent weeks, but for now I am just grateful to be where I am. The good moments make the hard days easier to manage and process. Don’t forget to show yourself some love on your bad days ❤️
To the hardest year of my life: You taught me mo To the hardest year of my life: 

You taught me more about myself and life in a year than most people will learn in an entire lifetime. I had to rebuild myself from nothing. Learning how to walk again, coming back from a traumatic brain injury, learning how to cope with PTSD, dealing with the hardships of being out of a job for a year, the list goes on and on. 

But I did it. I survived the worst year of my life. I will never be grateful for getting hit by a car but I am grateful for the lessons that have been learned and for the growth that has come from it. I am a stronger, more resilient force and everyday I continue to heal. 

Most of this past year has been pain, depression, anxiety and more pain. But I look back at my camera roll and I see so many smiles, laughter, and amazing moments with amazing people. The people that have supported me this past year are the reason I am still here. Through my darkest moments I had difficultly finding my reason to hold on, but because of my support system and the love I received I held on. 

I made new friends, continued to grow current friendships, saw great EDM shows, went to festivals, spent so much time with family, visited friends across the country, went to multiple weddings, spent time in nature, and witnessed my second nephew be born. 

This year was hard and painful, but this year also gave me so so much. This year gave me a reason to live. This year showed me I am worthy of love, happiness and success. 

2023 watch out, I’m coming for you. 💕
Job secured ✔️ Apartment picked ✔️ In a sh Job secured ✔️ Apartment picked ✔️ In a short 3 weeks I’ll be back living in Orlando full time again. Bring on the adventures 💕
This year was the first Thanksgiving I had experie This year was the first Thanksgiving I had experienced with my family in over 5 years. Between work, having COVID, and being in the hospital, I haven’t been able to sit down at a table with a full plate with family, so this year was very special for me. Also special because I am still here to experience it. 

As a new beginning is coming, a tremendous amount of reflection has been happening about what this past year has looked like for me. As many know when I was discharged from the hospital, I had to go live with my sister and her family as I needed a full time caregiver. I couldn’t be left alone at the house because I needed help doing everything. She had to change my bandages, help me go to the bathroom, empty my commode, help transfer me, and had to remind me everyday to do my exercises. All while running a business, raising a toddler and being pregnant. She’s basically super woman. 

She didn’t leave my side in the hospital, advocated for me when she felt I wasn’t getting the best care, and somehow kept it together in front of me when I didn’t recognize her when I woke up. 

Everyone knows my sister is my best friend and that she’s my person. We aren’t the mushy lovey type, we get through life with coffee, wine, sarcasm and dark humor. We have always had this unspoken respect, love and compassion for one another that we don’t need to verbalize and we both know we would take a bullet for each other. 

She hasn’t gotten enough recognition for what she has done for me this past year and there will never be anything I can do to repay her. I absolutely would not have survived this past year without her support. Being close to my nephews, being able to be there for Lincoln’s birth and watch him grow up has been one of the greatest things this past year. Happiness has been hard to find at times but those 2 nuggets can always put a smile on my face. 

Anyways this is an Andrea appreciation post and I hope everyone has an Andrea in their life for when you hit rock bottom. 💕
One year ago as of yesterday, I was leaving EDC an One year ago as of yesterday, I was leaving EDC and my life changed forever. I woke up a week later in the hospital being told by a person I thought was a complete stranger, that I was crossing the street when a car going close to 50mph hit me. It took me a minute to register but the person telling me this was my sister. Over the next couple of days, I slowly started grasping the severity of my injuries and as they slowly decreased my fentanyl and morphine, the more my mind cleared up and the reality of my situation set in. Along with an unimaginable amount of pain. 

After 6 surgeries, breaking nearly 20 bones and being in a wheelchair for 4 months, I came back to EDC again this year. My PTSD is still there, my pain is still there but I am also still here. I survived death. I beat all odds and I am walking, talking and alive. I danced, I laughed, I cried and I celebrated that the worst year of my life is now behind me. 

For my other trauma survivors: hold tight, healing is not linear. You’ll have good days, okay days and terrible days. Sometimes those terrible days last for what seems like forever but the more you continue to fight for yourself, for your life, the more the okay days are more often than the terrible days. And before you know it the okay days start becoming the good days. This is your sign to prioritize your healing and create the life you want. 

Thank you to everyone who has supported and loved me this past year. I know I wasn’t always the best to be around, but I could not have gotten through this alone. I can’t wait to see what this next year brings me. 💕
We work on the glutes so we can have charcutes. 😋
Convinced my life is always a Taylor Swift song. Convinced my life is always a Taylor Swift song. 

I have spent so so much time picking up the broken pieces from this past year and a new chapter is finally beginning. 💕
Surgery #6 done ✔️ Everything went well. Doc Surgery #6 done ✔️

Everything went well. Doc said my bone growth was pretty significant and they had to take a lot out. It went all the way from my ulna to my radius. I’m pretty sore this morning and doing my exercises is not fun 🥴 but we are managing. Starting OT today and have to get some braces made that I can sleep in. 

I ended up getting a lot of hardware taken out. All 3 limbs were operated on but hopefully this will help me with the daily pain I am in. Arm plate/screws came out (which I’ve had in for 10 years now, might miss it a bit 🤪), screw in knee, 2 screws in left ankle, and my long screw in my right ankle (far right) all came out. I’m less robot now. 

Definitely aspirated when I was being extubated so been coughing up a lot of stuff over night but it’s getting better this morning. 

I have a lot of hard work in front of me and the next 6 weeks will be very vital in my long term recovery. My arm is still stiff and doesn’t want to rotate like it should so a lot of cranking on it and hourly exercises will have to be done. Pretty similar to what I went through when my leg didn’t want to work. 

Anyways hopefully this will be my last surgery and I will be able to get back to “normal” in the next 2-3 months! Thank you all for the kind words, for thinking about me and for those who have texted me it means the world. 

My year of hell is almost over. 🙌🏻
“I’m coming to terms with a broken heart, I gu “I’m coming to terms with a broken heart, I guess that sometimes good things fall apart.”

3rd time seeing @illenium in the past year and my love for him grows more and more with every show. Thanks for another amazing night Nick. 💕
Tell me you love me 🎶 Tell me you love me 🎶

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